I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
