"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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