I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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