i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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