This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
