he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She needs sedatives and a leash
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
