i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
