I just saw a hot homeless man
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
