Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
