So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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