hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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