y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
