The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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