the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
