Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
