Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
