just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
