I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
