who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish you could order shots online.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
