I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
