those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
