he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
