Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
