I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
organizing the empties. That sober.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
