Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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