I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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