Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
