One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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