Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize