anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
