why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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