no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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