Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
