i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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