Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
