she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
