Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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