Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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