So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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