I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
