new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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