If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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