nut hugger
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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