He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The uberlube is also flammable
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
