my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
