K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
