Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
