After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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