also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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