I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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