If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
