I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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