Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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