how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
