I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
