My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
