from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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