Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
