I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
