I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
