I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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