arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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