my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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