She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
