Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Congratulations! We have a period
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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