Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize