I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
