he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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